Parent's Day

Yesterday was parent visiting day.  Any parent of the child who has permission from the judge can come to the orphanage to visit their child/ren. They are able to do this the last Sunday of every month.  I don’t know how many parents ended up coming but I would say probably 10 -15.  They can stay for 4-5 hours and have lunch and visit.  Then they leave.  And just like that it’s over.  Then it’s our job to hold them as they cry for their parents.  To rock them to sleep when they wake up crying for their mama.  To tell them that everything is going to be ok.  But is it?  It makes me so sad but I have to remind myself why these children are here in the first place. Because they have terrible parents.  Parents that abuse them, that make them beg for money, force them to work, parents that don’t care enough about their education, hygiene, or nutrition.  And while some of that is because they are too poor to provide a meal- most of it is because they just aren’t good parents.  A part of me is so happy these children get this day, but then a part of me is so mad that they are the reasons they are here. 

For one 7 year old girl, it’s her favorite day.  She can’t wait to give her Daddy a huge hug and just be held in his arms.  He loves on her and tells her sweet things like how they will be a happy family soon and he will get her out of the orphanage and take her home.  They share food and laughs and then the 4 hours is up.  He leaves and she bawls.  Then for the next few days she acts up, a lot.  She disobeys and talks back.  It breaks my heart.  It breaks my heart because this is the second time she has came to Casa Shalom.  Her father did just that the last time.  He took her home to be a sweet family again.  Then months later they found him wandering the streets stumbling drunk as his 7 year old daughter was left at home alone.  Her dad is an alcoholic and the mom isn’t in the picture.  Her dad also gives me creeps in which I would never leave any children near him alone. This is the same dad that puts a huge smile on this little girl’s face.  At Casa Shalom this girl receives 3 meals a day, an education, a bath every day, new/clean clothes, her own bed, and get’s to be a child.  But is that enough?  Does that surpass the broken love of a parent? 

I also got to see the parents of William and Roxanna whom I have become way too attached.  All the parents and children were sitting in chairs in the cafeteria.  Sara (the other volunteer) and I walked in and sat in the very back.  William saw me and yelled “Jenny!” which is something he always done when I enter any room.  Then after 5 minutes or so Roxanna pushed to get out of her mom’s arms to be on the ground. Once on the ground she weaved through chairs and came to me to sit on my lap.  I picked her up to give her a quick hug because of course her mom was watching.  She sat on my lap and didn’t move to be put down.  I looked at Sara and with a smile on my face whispered, “Oh shoot, this isn’t good.  What do I do?” And Sara quickly said,  “I have no idea, send her back. The mom is staring at us.”  So I put her back down on the ground and prayed that she would go back to her mom.  Then Sara and I left the room.  It was awkward. We did not want that to happen again with her or any of the other children.  On one hand, it’s Roxanna’s mom and you would think she wouldn’t want to go to anyone else, on the other hand, she hasn’t seen her mom in almost a month and Sara and I have been the ones loving on her and giving her constant attention.

But it happened again later on.  Sara and I walked by the family eating lunch and we all exchanged a hello.  Roxanna spotted us and tried to walk to us when the mom picked her up.  She started crying and the mom just looked over at us and smiled.  It was awful.  I had split emotions.  I felt so bad for her mom.  That she has to deal with the fact that her baby is being loved on and rocked to sleep by another person.  That she doesn't get to hug and kiss her baby goodnight.  But then I also wanted to take her out of her mom’s hands.  That’s when I realized I’m a little too attached. J

I think I’ll be better prepared for next parent visiting day. So thankful that God sent me to love on each one of these children and I know they are blessing me way more than I have blessed them.

A New Hope

On March 5^th, at around 4 pm the door opened and in walked 2 social workers and 3 children. It was my very first day at Casa Shalom and already we were receiving new children.   Ages 8, 3, and 15 months.  Scared, filthy, exhausted, and eyes filled of hopelessness.  The 8 year old girl looked more like she could be 6 and had what could be a sunburn across her face.  Raw, red skin with little bumps that looked like a rash or small blisters.  When they took the 8 year old away to her separate house the younger children screamed and cried.  I held the 3 year old boy as he screamed.  He smelled like he hadn’t taken a bath in months.  It took about 20 minutes before he was calm. 

(Posted on the Casa Shalom blog: Pictures of 8-year-old Candelaria, 3-year-old Wiliam and 1-year-old Roxana when they first arrived at Casa Shalom. They've been living on the streets with their parents who made them beg for money and wash car windows for spare change. Candelaria has never been to school and the children are all malnourished and small.  The picture of the 8 year old and baby girl does not do justice to how small they both are.)

The house mom and I took him into the bathroom to bathe him.  First we pulled off his black rubber boots.  Immediately I could smell the sweat of dirty feet.  He had no socks on and his feet were stained with dirt.  We then took of the rest of his clothes and he screamed for his older sister. Awww… I will never forget what he was wearing.  As we began to put the warm water over him his tears began to fade.  A warm bathe in Guatemala in more difficult to come by so I’m assuming this was his first one.  He looked almost paralyzed from the fear and the warmth of the water on his skin.  The first few days he hardly spoke two words.   The 15 month old, Emily Roxana, wears 6-9 month clothes.  She is very malnourished.  For the first 5 days she looked exhausted like she hadn’t slept in weeks.  She wouldn’t smile and her eyes seemed so empty.

It’s been two weeks now and you wouldn’t even know these were the same kids.  William, the 3 year old, has one of the most handsome grins I’ve ever seen.  He is very sweet, loving, and energetic.  He constantly cares for his little sister.  Every day when we give out vitamins to the children he always gives half of his to his sister.  We have to tell him every time that we give her one to and he can have all of his.  He still doesn't stop giving. There are no words for Roxana. If I could take this girl back to the states with me I would. Frankly, I would take them both.  Roxana is hilarious.  Anytime another child cries she looks at them and fake cries.  I swear she does it to make fun of them.  She is constantly trying to mimic everything the big kids do.  Today she learned how to roll her eyes and I was her first victim. Of course I laughed so she repeated it over and over.  Everyday, more and more of the true Roxana comes outs.  I can’t wait to watch her grow over these next 3 months.

I am blessed. I am here in Guatemala by the grace of God. Even though I know how blessed and lucky I am, I still have to remind myself daily of God’s loving grace.  It’s not always so fun and easy, but then again that’s life… no matter where you’re living it.  I know it’s been a good day when I crawl into bed and my back and arms hurt from holding too many children. Those are wonderful aches and pains.  Thank you all for your prayers.

Moving to Guatemala...again

In a few hours, many men and women will join together in a small room and begin learning how to read and write.  I will be going to take care of the children while they can learn for 3 hours. This will be their 3rd time meeting.  Their main goal is that they will be able to read the bible for the first time. Last Sunday, my Pastor talked about how a person who cannot read is a person who is blind.  A strong parallel.
 
Right now I am looking into buying audio bibles for the men and women in my community.  I recently wrote on facebook that if anyone feels blessed to help me by donating money to buy one or by donating their old cd/cassette player that would be a huge blessing.  What a huge difference it could make to so many people to be able to hear about Jesus Christ for the first time.  For me, it almost seems impossible to think that there are people still in this world who have never even heard about Jesus before.  Something again I take for granted.

On Monday I will be moving again.  A whole new routine, schedule, new environment, new bed, and different friends. It will feel like I'm going to Guatemala again for the first time.  Monday, I start working at the orphanage.  At Casa Shalom, the orphanage, their are many different buildings with different aged groups of children.  For the next three months I will be living in the babies room. The babies room houses children aged newborn to 4 years old.  Right now the youngest baby is 10 months old.  I will basically play "mom" for 10-12 little children for the next 3 months and I couldn't be more excited.  This is a dream come true for me.  I have no idea what to expect but unlike every other new experience I have entered, this time-- I'm not nervous.  If the Lord has blessed me with one thing it's the ability to love and care for children.  It comes easy to me.  Some people are gifted at a cooking, or playing basketball, preaching at a church, or photography.  Me... I love to care for children.  That's my "thing".  And I believe without a doubt that it's a God given love.